A Gratuitous Cameo

Hi. My name’s Will, I’ve been a friend of Mason’s for a long time (feels like too long sometimes).  Much earlier this year, we had a conversation about me writing a guest post for him. As a fellow writer, I graciously accepted. But then I got bogged down in university work and personal issues, so the idea went away. But earlier today, I thought I’d give it a shot. It all came down to what I was going to write about. It would have to be something important. Something that had been weighing on my mind for a while…

Giraffes are shifty bastards. I know they’re all cute with their long necks and spots, but hear me out. They have been known to attack and even kill tourists. Alongside this, the fighting that goes on when they are trying to attract mates is brutal. These gorgeous creatures are actually 4-6 metre tall machines of death and destruction. With the powerful neck, long legs and horns, they are a force to be reckoned with. One woman in 2010 was kicked to death by a giraffe whilst trying to protect a calf from her own dog. Now, you may say “the poor thing didn’t mean to”, but I’m not too sure. Maybe she did think the woman was attacking her child, but I reckon Giraffe-J Simpson meant it.

I’m not suggesting that all giraffes want to take over the world and end human life as we know it. And it’s not only giraffes that are like this. Frogs, Chihuahuas and cows (oh my!) among others all use this gormless or cute façade to get close to us, until it’s too late. It’s a defence mechanism intended to make sure they survive.

A lot of you are wondering what the point of all this is. All of you are wondering who let this nutter onto the internet. What I’m getting to is the fact that looks can be deceiving. What may seem simple is often not. People in power use this defence mechanism to gain trust and belief. In the same respect, our brain may associate a person with danger when they may turn out to be our saviour. What I’m trying to say is: be smart. Before you sign on to anything – a vote, a relationship, a path – make sure you know what you’re getting into. And I’m sorry, that sense only comes from failure. And that betrayal will sting, but it’ll help. As Mark Hoppus once wrote, I guess this is growing up.




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