Lord And Master

That’s how my friend Will wanted to be referred to here. He enrols at university on 14th September, so I promised that before then I’d give him a cameo in one of my blog posts, but because I’m so considerate I’ve decided to give him a whole one instead. If you’re reading this, Will, I hope you like it.

Ever since I first met Will a few years ago, our friendship has seen many memorable moments, things he likes to refer to as “national scandals”. Whenever something happened, it always seemed big, but we always found some way to laugh, a lot (you probably had to be there). We did then and we still do now, and I’m so thankful that we appreciate the same humour. Everyone says it’s important to laugh, and I don’t think I ever laugh more than when I am in his company. He has such character, and a razor-sharp wit unlike that of anybody else I’ve ever met (seriously, the puns flow like the Thatcher’s he drinks). If he ever puts himself down, he should snap out of it, because I’ve seen with my own eyes how many people react with laughter and joy to his presence. A room is instantly energised whenever he walks in, and when that happens I am filled with anticipation for the engaging, imaginative, surreal and hilarious conversation that follows. I don’t think I’ve ever told him this, but my life would be so much darker without him. His friendship and the help he gives are very gratefully received.

We’re kindred spirits in other ways, too. We’ve often come up with many new ideas together, although our version of Doctor Who, which imagines the characters as played by members of the Cabinet, probably needs work! Unfortunately, we haven’t gotten around to setting anything in motion yet, but our media super-company should change that – I can’t wait. Every episode of Top Gear gets a thorough review from the both of us, and I’d like to think I’ve been educated in the Marvel universe at least a little bit. We’ve both learned that Hot Fuzz is probably the most quotable film ever made, and our shared love for Monty Python and the Holy Grail knows no bounds – as does our dislike of Piers Morgan. If I could summarise everything that is great about Will and our friendship, it’d probably take all day, but maybe I’ll fill you in on some more another time. Instead, I’ll give you a few nuggets of advice.

If anybody reading this is going to university in Preston shortly, and you meet Will, definitely say hello, because you’re never going to regret it. I feel like I should give you one or two pointers, though:
1. Don’t ask him what he knows about Lionel Richie, because he only knows two things about him (one being that he’s dead and the other that he’s gay). Both of those are wrong.
2. Don’t ask him what happens at the end of the classic children’s book The Tiger Who Came To Tea. No, the little girl’s head is definitely NOT bitten off by the tiger. For the record, they all go to a cafe and have a nice meal there instead.
3. Here’s one thing you SHOULD do. Ask him about the “national scandals”, and thank me later 😉
All joking aside, however, I’m going to be slightly emotional when Will goes, and I told him that myself recently. It will leave a hole, one that simply can’t be filled. When he makes friends at uni, I’m in no doubt they’ll feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong, though – he can’t get rid of me that easily. He knows I’m only a message away. There’s just one more thing – if you’re reading this, Will, I want to hear about any future national scandals, OK?

Have a safe journey my friend, and an amazing time in t’north.


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